Depersonalization

Walking around this dusty and dark earth.
Feeling no connection to anyone or anything.
So dreamlike,
So unreal.
I feel outside of myself.

I hear myself talking
I feel myself walking
But I don't feel any of it.

It doesn't feel real to me.

I'd do anything to just F-E-E-L.
Drag a razor blade across my stomach through tears in my eyes,
Can't focus on anything but a red blur....
Pain is so sweet sometimes.
It brings me back.

What is depersonalization?

It is a disorder that affects up to 30 million people globally.
It is a malfunction or anomaly of the mechanism by which an individual has self-awareness. It is a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.

I was a victim of depersonalization and it is not a good feeling. I went about my days and nights acting, speaking, doing the things I should, but not feeling any of it.

I didn't want to feel at first. I liked being numb to it all. No emotions or reactions.
But the detachment for life did nothing for my loved ones. Unable to maintain any type of romantic relationship and even feeling distant from my daughter, who needs me the most became alarming to me.

I needed to seek help before I was totally consumed.

You are not alone and you should seek help if you have these feelings.

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