How To Make A Suicide Cocktail: A Look Back
I wrote this post because I was desperate. Everyday, there are too many lives lost to suicide. Some of you that read my post are very understanding. Others haven't been as understanding. One young lady wish that I be raped. Well, Carrie, I have news for you. I've learned that when you wish harm on others, you just place yourself in jeopardy. Or someone you love. So you should actually be careful with your words and deeds.
ON another note,
Some of you don't think that I understand. Well, I have been suicidal since the very young age of ten. It has never gone away no matter where I find myself in life. I've attempted at least three times and they were all unsuccessful.
Overdoses almost never work. If they keep botching executions what makes you think that there will be a magic drug combination that will work for you? Especially those of you that don't want to experience pain. Death is ugly. It's not easy to die by your own hands. Those of you that think you'll fall asleep and never wake up have watched too much television.
Your respiration slows, you go in and out of consciousness, your organs shut down, you lose your balance and coordination. It's a ugly process. How do I know? I've been there. I thought that life was horrible and there was no reason to live on this earth and I've lived through some painful experiences that no one should have to go through.
Then I became a mother and wanted to commit suicide then. I was going to leave a little girl behind and didn't care at the time. I just wanted to be done. But somehow, I survived that too. If it's not your time, you won't die no matter what you do. Especially by overdose.
I remember the story of a man that blew his face off. He is still living. He has no face. He has caused himself more pain than before. This man lives today. He was spotted walking away from his home and was given immediate treatment. This man speaks out against suicide.
No one said that life was easy. No one said that life was full of joy. My life isn't. I live my life in a wheelchair now. With a horrible and painful disease. But I get up everyday and thankful for the air in my lungs. Why? Because during my experience, I've peeked through to the other side. It's not what you think. I saw the other side. I saw what I had done to other people with my death. Then I was instantly back into my body again. Surrounded by everyone that loved me and a chaplain. I wanted to live and fought my way back.
So please don't come to this blog and think that these are empty platitudes and words because they aren't. You never know what could happen in life. I may live in pain in a chair with nurses to help take care of me at times. But I have a daughter and I will never do that again. The girl who thought no one would ever marry her has a fiance. I never thought I was good enough for love and have found unconditional love and he was around me the entire time.
So I want you to hang in there and fight. Because you could do worse and maim yourself even more. There are plenty of suicidal people who are waiting on liver and kidney transplants because of their "overdose". There are plenty of people who are maimed and disabled because of suicide attempts and are now unable to move to finish the job. You have to keep fighting for each day. I did and I'm so glad to be here writing these words.
Of course when you are suicidal, you don't want to hear this stuff. I didn't. I used to get angry at people like me. I just wanted to end it without interference. Well you won't get any help from me in ending your life. If that's your final decision, then leave me out of that. But don't curse me for trying to help. Why? Because many people helped me along the way with their words. Just like I am doing. They are the reason I'm here today. Because they cared enough to tell a stranger to keep on living another day. I've never been or experienced so much happiness. Yeah, it took me to make it all the way to 31 to be happy...thats a long time to some of you young people. I'm now 35 and will be 36 next month on the 10th.
Birthdays are the best present for me. I hope you live to see your next. It's not easy to live life, but it's not impossible either.
Choose life.
ON another note,
Some of you don't think that I understand. Well, I have been suicidal since the very young age of ten. It has never gone away no matter where I find myself in life. I've attempted at least three times and they were all unsuccessful.
Overdoses almost never work. If they keep botching executions what makes you think that there will be a magic drug combination that will work for you? Especially those of you that don't want to experience pain. Death is ugly. It's not easy to die by your own hands. Those of you that think you'll fall asleep and never wake up have watched too much television.
Your respiration slows, you go in and out of consciousness, your organs shut down, you lose your balance and coordination. It's a ugly process. How do I know? I've been there. I thought that life was horrible and there was no reason to live on this earth and I've lived through some painful experiences that no one should have to go through.
Then I became a mother and wanted to commit suicide then. I was going to leave a little girl behind and didn't care at the time. I just wanted to be done. But somehow, I survived that too. If it's not your time, you won't die no matter what you do. Especially by overdose.
I remember the story of a man that blew his face off. He is still living. He has no face. He has caused himself more pain than before. This man lives today. He was spotted walking away from his home and was given immediate treatment. This man speaks out against suicide.
No one said that life was easy. No one said that life was full of joy. My life isn't. I live my life in a wheelchair now. With a horrible and painful disease. But I get up everyday and thankful for the air in my lungs. Why? Because during my experience, I've peeked through to the other side. It's not what you think. I saw the other side. I saw what I had done to other people with my death. Then I was instantly back into my body again. Surrounded by everyone that loved me and a chaplain. I wanted to live and fought my way back.
So please don't come to this blog and think that these are empty platitudes and words because they aren't. You never know what could happen in life. I may live in pain in a chair with nurses to help take care of me at times. But I have a daughter and I will never do that again. The girl who thought no one would ever marry her has a fiance. I never thought I was good enough for love and have found unconditional love and he was around me the entire time.
So I want you to hang in there and fight. Because you could do worse and maim yourself even more. There are plenty of suicidal people who are waiting on liver and kidney transplants because of their "overdose". There are plenty of people who are maimed and disabled because of suicide attempts and are now unable to move to finish the job. You have to keep fighting for each day. I did and I'm so glad to be here writing these words.
Of course when you are suicidal, you don't want to hear this stuff. I didn't. I used to get angry at people like me. I just wanted to end it without interference. Well you won't get any help from me in ending your life. If that's your final decision, then leave me out of that. But don't curse me for trying to help. Why? Because many people helped me along the way with their words. Just like I am doing. They are the reason I'm here today. Because they cared enough to tell a stranger to keep on living another day. I've never been or experienced so much happiness. Yeah, it took me to make it all the way to 31 to be happy...thats a long time to some of you young people. I'm now 35 and will be 36 next month on the 10th.
Birthdays are the best present for me. I hope you live to see your next. It's not easy to live life, but it's not impossible either.
Choose life.
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