A Suicide Story #3 Jake

WARNING: TRIGGERING. IF YOU FEEL LIKE HARMING YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY AND CALL 911...CHOOSE LIFE MY PETS.

I've got the coolest wheelchair in the world. A bunch of my family members chipped in so that I could have it. This thing has like hydraulics and shit on it. Anyways....I remember clearly the day that I wanted to die. Well...that's not 100 percent correct. I wanted to die every day at one point in my life.

But this day I finally made  up my mind to do it. I left my brother pretty much everything I've ever owned, got in my car, and took a drive. Twenty minutes had passed and I hadn't even noticed it. In fact, there were a lot of things I didn't notice. It was a perfect day outside. The weather was just right; not too hot and not too cold.

The neighbors were barbecuing in their back yard. There is just something about baby back ribs cooking on an open flame that will get the juices going. Sandy, the girl I liked, was wearing an amazing halter top as she sunbathed in her backyard, leaving little to the imagination.

Nope I didn't notice a thing.

I continued on my way to Gold Pointe. The cliff was about one hundred feet in front of me before I hit the accelerator, speeding towards my death. I think the last thing on my mind was my mother's potato salad before the car crashed. Why? Maybe it was the BBQ I had smelled.

I woke up three days later in ICU with my mother crying and my father looking pissed sitting beside me. I am now a quadriplegic and I need help with basically everything. Even though I'm in the condition that I'm in, I got lucky. My injury didn't involve my respiratory muscles being paralyzed so that I can breathe without a ventilator.

It's the little things in life I guess.

Now I notice the perfect sunny days without a cloud in the sky. I notice the smell of BBQ, hell Mom is back there now making her potato salad. I definitely noticed Sandy's amazing halter top. When you're in a wheelchair, you get to notice a lot of things...that you were too blind to see before. Your vision gets much clearer when you realize that you didn't really want to die. You wanted the pain to end and that's perfectly okay. I don't know anyone that LIKES suffering.

But everyone suffers at some point in their life. You just get through it and you live to fight another day. I know I'm not going anywhere too soon. Sandy's coming over later.